The friend that got away...

Am I the only one that has dealt with this? Am I strange to be dwelling on it 3 years later?

It's not the boyfriend that got away....I'm completely cool with all of them because it's GOOD they got away (or I did, rather!). But this friend...

We met about 4 years ago. She was funny, outgoing, inclusive and VERY welcoming. She worked with David at the church and she was really my first solid christian friend in Toledo. She was a good influence and we had a blast. We met and started hanging out and just had that connection like we were friends since we were little. I loved her like a sister...seriously. She quickly became my best friend and I was loving that I had someone that I connected to so fully. She was an amazing christian and an amazing wife and she was a great example of a good christian wife. Up to the end we were hanging out several times a week and were kinda inseperable...then the "incident" happened. I'm not going into it because theres no reason to...but she apologized and it was decided that we have some time apart. We did and then a few months later she called and we decided that we would work on rebuilding the friendship again. I fully forgave her and was happy to have her back in my life. Then a couple weeks later she emailed me to tell me that she couldn't do it...she couldn't be a part of my life and we couldn't talk anymore. She was worried about how people would "percieve" our friendship. I was incredibly hurt but I couldn't beg her to be my friend...how lame would that be.

Still to this day it causes me a lot of hurt. Recently we "brushed" shoulders (figuratively) again and for some reason it just brought all that back to me and smacked me in the face. I don't know if I ever ment as much to her as she did to me. I don't know if she still thinks about me and wonders what's going on in my life. I don't know...I just don't think I ever really got closure. And I don't know if I'm crazy for feeling like this.

I guess as a woman it's different because we're very emotional about things. Back when it all happened David was sad for me but told me to "move on" but I just can't. It's kind of like that family member that has stepped out of your life a couple times and just keeps coming back. I'll always hold out hope that we'll gain back our friendship and start fresh.

I also feel so out of control with the whole situation. In the grand scheme of things I was the one that was "wronged" in the whole situation and I had nothing to do with what happened and I feel like I've been the one thats been punished.

I've made a lot of different friends since then. Most have "stuck" and I now have friends all over the U.S. Some I have lost touch with, some I've had "fallings out" with. None of those bother me today...but I still miss my "sister".

(Do I sound like a nut-job now? LOL)